Vivian Goes for the Gold
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: A tale of triumph that was cast down from the peak of Mt. Olympus


Vivian Goes for the Gold

**PART I**

Bobbery looked with harsh authority at the sight of broken cans. The cans couldn't, meaning they were no longer an object of truth.

"Why are you crying?" Koops asked with compassion as he saw the admiral's manly weeping. Bobbery hid his sadness and restored triumphant love to his land of shiny.

Goombella arrived via the magic sauerkraut container. She popped the lid open and sang to her comrades in the tone of E-minor.

"Yeah, E-minor! All right!" cheered several Toads, sitting upon the old red sofa with the patched up left cushion and the orange juice stain in the corner.

Bobbery winced in horror at the sight of such Toad-dom. He wanted them all eradicated. "I hate them…" he whispered in a dark, edgy voice that was chilling to the bone and filling to the gnome.

"I see your hatred," said a voice from above. It was Vivian and she had a magic cantaloupe. She used it to quell Bobbery's violent tendencies and restored peace to the Toad-dom.

"Thanks! You saved us and our souls as well," said the Toads.

Vivian smiled, but remembered all the death and destruction in her future. She took her toenail collection and sold it online for a million lobster tickets.

Due to the fact that lobster tickets are worth more than you'll ever make in your whole stinkin' life, you can bet that Vivian was now a zillionaire!

**PART II**

"Who art thou?" asked the purple ghost girl to the mighty ape.

"I am the Donkey Kong," said the main man. He used bananas to perfect his life. Such perfection was like the best Hall and Oates concert to ever hit Rogueport. Vivian almost cried at the spectacle of purity and grace.

But then… shambles happened like an occurrence of ill.

Yes, that is correct, my brethren…

Whacka got his groove back. And this time, he was in the mood to bust Mario's kneecaps.

Vivian heard of this danger and hurried with rushing fastness to swiftly tell Mario the quickly approaching fate rapidly.

"Too late, bros!" said Whacka with vile eyes of wondering denial of chocolate cake. He held out his hammer and placed it upon each Italian patella.

"Ouch, verily," said Mario, realising the ruined state of his leg joints. He decided to boost his ab confidence by tearing off his shirt and using his righteous six-pack to blow up the moon.

Due to the doomed moon, tides were much more vicious and reminded me of the time when Darth Vader sold me a 1D album signed by Madam Flurrie.

**PART III**

"I've got my mind set on you," sang Mario as his abs lit up the planet like a lighthouse of hunktastic faith. Luigi noted the compelling occurrence in his survival guide. He sang into his toothbrush like a movie star.

But Luigi was not a movie star. He was but a mere squire.

Vivian was watching the news on SATELLITE TV while all of this amazing stuff was happening. She took two squirrels and tied them to her Christmas tree. Now her satellites were more awesome and her TV more grand.

Santa arrived with his pet Delibird. Delibird Then Went On To Capitalise Every Word In This Sentence Except This one.

Vivian saw Santa and gave him a present. Santa was taken aback by the holy kindness of a ghosty dude.

"Are you sure?" asked Santa, thinking of reindeer and caviar.

"Aye," said Vivian as she revved up her snowmobile and road off into the setting suns of Tatooine. Jabba was watching, but too fat and sluggish to care about Sarlacc meals.

That was when the big thing happened and Vivian really hit the jackpot.

**PART IV**

"I've got my mind set on you," sang Mario as his abs Iit up the planet like a lighthouse of hunktastic faith. Luigi noted the the compelling occurrence in his survival guide. He sang into his toothbrush like a movie star.

That sentence was not the same because Delibird added an extra "the". Such demeaning frivolities are like bacons, eggs, and pancakes in all the wrong places. This happened at least twice last Thursday and it's really getting on my nerves.

"Right now, I can see that Rogueport is having a serious issue," said Luigi, using his spyglass for archival evidence.

"Yes, I can feel it in my feet," said Mario. The great emerald's power allowed him to feel even though he couldn't see a thing.

"But it's around somewhere," said Vivian. She plunged into the depths of the infernal crater. This is because Vivian was secretly a spelunking enthusiast who loved rocks and ores.

Luigi loved oars. He paddled his boat to Rogueport and inquired Ms. Mowz of the local doings.

"Life is but a fading fragment of the lemons and the limes," said Ms. Mowz with citrus knowledge that spanned decades.

Luigi agreed and saw the Toads that Bobbery hated for some reason. He felt a desire to gain info as his left nostril sealed his destiny evermore.

"Who are we and why do we have such a fateful disposition?" the Toads repeated Luigi's inquiry like a repeating repeater from Minecraft: the best game ever.

"Yes, I wanna know what love is," said Luigi with foreign thoughts about Toads.

"I do not know," said the first Toad. All of the others agreed. They then devoured Luigi's entire nose. Then they ate his hat, but they remembered to salt it with the finest salts from the oceans, bays, and Labyrinth Zone Act 3.

**PART V**

"How did you do?" asked Vivian as Luigi returned home to Mario's stellar abs.

"I did well, but have become a hatless vermin," said Luigi.

"Indeed he has," said Mario with utter disgust. "Get out of my abode, knave!"

Luigi saw himself out. He decided to live in the birdbath and share the bird seed with his feathered friends.

"So, how is life?" asked Vivian as she unfurled a great cheese carpet. She began to sew the names of the seven best people into the grandeur.

"It is a fine life and I love a lot of TV shows these days," replied Mario as he dug a tunnel for hyena hiding tactics. Timon was proud when he heard of this achievement. He knighted Mario and Mario got mad props from his Uncle Kevin.

"Thanks, Uncle Kevin," said Mario to the silverware. This was because Uncle Kevin was a fork this whole time and it was the shocker of the century.

"I am shocked," said Koops, leaning on the door as his shoes finally gave out. His shoes died that day and had to be buried. They had the service by Luigi's bird bath and then evicted him for having a very stupid nose.

Luigi agreed with the eviction and flew back to Chicago where he belonged.

"Vivian, can I tell you a secret?" asked Mario with his own nose being better than his brother's.

"Yes, Mario," said Vivian. "Speak your secret."

"I'm getting married, homie."

**PART VI**

_Mario had an italicised wedding where he ate bold __**cheese **__and refused to wipe his shoes on the carpet next to the front door._

"_How is this font?" asked Vivian, agreeing to hand out summer squash to all the good Yoshi's that stopped by for grub._

"_Uh," said Patrick Star, arriving finally after twenty long years of being trapped in the interdimensional time rift._

"_Good golly," said Vivian, seeing the pink starfish exude magnificent charisma. She knew that Patrick would be married next and hurried up cake preparations for him._

"_Thanks, Vivian, but I am stuffed," said Patrick. He then ordered his guards to dispose of Bobbery's trading cards._

_Bobbery wept for his cards. "Why did you slay my cards?" asked the card-having card-haver._

"_I don't care," said Patrick._

And then, the wedding ended with a bang. Patrick got home from California and handed two rolls of wrapping paper to his neighbor Squidward.

"I am nautical," said Squidward.

"Join me in my conquest!" Whacka snickered with evilness as he ate Squidward's magic souffle. "You ain't seen nothing yet. B-b-b-b-b-b-baby!"

Squidward choked on his fork and made an awesome noise for dubstep remixes. He fell to the ground in doom and everyone wept for their cephalopod loss.

Vivian cried the most and Bart the Toad cried for the first time that day. Luigi cried, but only between the frog and the cricket. There were so many crickets that it wasn't even funny.

**FIN**


End file.
